You know that feeling when you are on the verge of something thrilling yet terrifying?
Maybe it’s the feeling you had when you graduated – the thrill of a whole world available for the taking, feeling overwhelmingly inspired by the (seemingly) endless options yet paralyzed by the fear of the unknown. Or when you decided to get married – being so in love + excited for the beautiful life ahead of you, yet understandably cautious of the changes that would come. The mix of excitement, joy, trepidation and hesitation…all of the emotions life can throw at you, hanging equally in the balance as you stand on the edge of something great.
That’s how I am feeling right now, and how I’ve been feeling these last few days + weeks. I know it’s been quiet around here – so quiet in fact, that I half expected there to be cobwebs when I logged into my poor little neglected blog! Thankfully there weren’t any because, ya know, spiders. Gross. Can I get an amen?
In many ways, this part of my life has been on hold. It’s part of a journey that I haven’t gotten into too terribly much here but one that I’ve decided to share more of. As some of you know, I’ve been battling with chronic illness for the past few years and all the complications that come along with it. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia (FM) and Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) back in 2010 and although the symptoms were severe enough that I finally had to seek medical help, they only slightly interfered with my daily life. I still worked full time and was social. Jon + I could be adventurous, I could go out + do fun things with my friends, or stay up past 9 (although who really wants to because, hello, sleep is awesome!)
Unfortunately, all of that changed almost 3 years ago when my symptoms became so severe that I couldn’t even get out of bed some days. The hodgepodge of symptoms left me feeling like I had the worst flu ever, a next-level migraine, my insides were being shredded by Freddy Kruger himself, and like I’d been beaten with a baseball bat…all at the SAME TIME. Let me tell ya, not a happy time. I had a total of 7 days throughout the past couple of years that were “good”, meaning the pain and other symptoms were at a minimum…where I felt somewhat human. On those days, Jon + I joked that I was like a prisoner that got to spend the day outside for good behavior. SEVEN! I only know that because I kept track since they were such an anomaly.
But then…….it happened.
Like, a true life “oh my gosh I am thanking each and every lucky star and praising Jesus forever and ever amen” miracle.
And it came in the form of a little pill. Half white, half blue and 100% amazing. My life has been turned upside down ya’ll, in the BEST possible way! I could probably write a whole post just on all the ways my life has changed over the past 2 months, but the cliff notes version is this:
took little pill
had a miserable week of side effects
felt more amazing
felt so freakin’ amazing, it’s not even funny
and now continue to feel amazing EVERY.SINGLE.DAY
Now, granted, feeling amazing for me is probably still feeling pretty crummy for the average person, but I’ll take it! I still have a ways to go as far as my body healing – living with chronic pain really messes up your body and lots of my parts + systems still need some time to recover. While my body is going through it’s own healing process, my mind is also going through it’s own. I can think clearly for the first time in what feels like forever. And you know what I’m thinking these days? It’s time to take over the world!
I feel like I’m standing on the edge of the most amazing and breathtaking yet terrifying cliff ever. I am ready to jump back into life and art and all the things that bring me joy. I’m ready to make changes to this space, to build up my business and to share my life + creations with the world. Is that terrifying? Heck to the yeah. But I’m ready.
I am ready for the next chapter + whatever it might bring.
And I hope you’ll join me for the ride. I guarantee it will be a wild one!